They’ve “Got To Break Up”

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Personally, I wouldn’t choose to announce a break-up via viral music video.  Granted, I only sing when I’m wasted, and don’t typically announce anything, but still.

Anyway, when it came time to end their 5 year relationship, Jonathan Mann and Ivory King took to their favorite medium – song.  Jonathan has been posting “a song a day” for years, (note that this song is titled #1435) so I guess it only makes sense.  While the eye makeup is weird and the dance is awkward, the song is pretty catchy and is already stuck in my head.  The couple says that they still love each other, and that rather than providing the catharsis they expected, performing the song actually made them feel worse.

It can’t be too bad though, rumor has it Jonathan’s already got back on the OkCupid horse.  Look out ladies, he’s on a baby-makin mission!

Getting Your Period in 1946

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Wow, this video collaboration between Disney and Kotex is pretty amazing.  In a 10 minute animation, a motherly narrator explains to us what the heck is happening to our bodies.

And while, yes, it is 1946, so the girls in the video do a lot of housework and they can’t offer any actual sex education or say the word “pregnant,” I think it’s actually pretty progressive and informative for the time.  The video instructs girls to “live healthy every day” by drinking lots of water, eating fruit and leafy greens, and getting plenty of fresh air and exercise.

I especially enjoyed this advice on having your period: ”But don’t let it get you down. After all, no matter how you feel, you have to live with people. You have to live with yourself too! And once you stop feeling sorry for yourself and take those days in your stride, you’ll find it’s easier to keep smiling and even-tempered.” Amen!  It’s just part of life, like breathing and brushing your teeth, no need to retire to the fainting couch.

The video warns not to “dramatize yourself,” which modern ladies could definitely afford to hear.

Gimme Gimme Gimme

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I hate a lot of things.  One thing I really hate is when people start a sentence with the words, “Give me,” or even worse, a rough “Gimme.”  As a barista I hear those words waaay more often than I would like.

“Gimme a large hot,” they grunt, throwing a couple crumpled up dollars on the counter.  Guys who address you with a “Gimme” are also at higher risk for calling you something like, “sweetie,” or “babydoll” when you hand them their drink.

All in all, it’s pretty gross.  Please, just put in the effort to utter a few extra syllables and form a full sentence when ordering your coffee.  Either that, or make up for your rudeness by tipping veerrryyy well.  You can call me anything if you toss a $10 in the tip jar.

Getting Your Nails Done is as Close to Heaven as You’ll Get in this Life

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Listen, you know that the G&G Girls are not made of money.  If we were, we’d have sawed off our arm and traded it in at the corner PNC a loonnggg time ago.

That’s a wordy way of saying that we are poor and don’t get our nails done very often.  Which is ok, because we’re all pretty good at doing our own nails.  Once, when I was about 8, I started a “manicure business” with my cousin, but our only client was my little sister, and only because we made her come.  Also, I once briefly went out with a Vietnamese guy whose family owned a nail salon and one time he said my nails looked nice.  So yeah, I’m pretty good at nails.

But you know, sometimes with all the dish washing and cold weather and hangnail biting you just need professional help.  So you go get a manicure to get your nails back into a manageable state that you can maintain for awhile.

It’s just so heavenly.  I went yesterday.  And let me just tell you that the hand massage during a manicure is probably in my top 5 favorite things in the world.  Gives me the warm fuzzies for sure.  I would pay for the hand massage alone, forget about my rough edged nails.  Not to sound too Sex and the City girly (gross!), but really, not much else will turn a long hard day around like a manicure does.  All you have to do is sit there.  And for $12 your stresses melt away, your cuticles get wrangled, and you leave with shiny, perfect nails and soft hands that smell like lavender.

You know how people have indicators of success?  Like, buying a brand new car, or getting a job with health insurance, or marrying a doctor?  Well, mine is a little different.  I’ll know I’ve made it when I can go get my nails done and my hands massaged once a week on the reg.  Whoa baby.

I Hope Holly Petraeus Gets to Keep 2 of David’s Stars in the Divorce

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Geez Peez, everyone is just cheating on everyone these days.  Besides scaring all of us poor single ladies to death of marriage, this is just downright infuriating.

Cheating scandals have become so commonplace that I didn’t bat an eye  upon finding out about CIA Director David Petraeus’ affair.  I’m just sorry for what his wife Holly is going through right now.  Not only has she been betrayed, but in a very public way.  I am pretty darn sure that what has just happened to her is every woman’s greatest fear.  The idea of your husband of 40 years having an affair with a woman 20 years your junior is terrifying.  That after an entire lifetime of raising children together and supporting your husband through his incredible career, he just up and decides to replace you with a newer version.

Naturally, the trolls of the internet are not being kind to Holly.  ”She looks like his grandmother.”  ”She should be 75 pounds lighter.”  ”I blame it on her appearance.”  ”Well of course he cheated.  Look at the mistress…then look at the wife.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

Maybe this is some sort of defense mechanism that women use.  Well, it won’t happen to me, I work out.  Psh, our marriage is fine, we still have sex.  I shave my legs sometimes.  I wore a dress last week.  So it’s easy to blame a husband’s affair on an older, heavier wife.

But what about all the super hot women that get cheated on?  There are tons of them too.  Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, Demi Moore…well she must be a bitch.  She must be vain or too career driven.

We do this because it’s so scary.  Because believing that we can keep a man from cheating by dying our hair and “keeping trim” is easier than accepting the simple fact that we can not control another’s actions.

No matter what those internet bullies say, I know that Holly Petraeus is not to blame in the least for her husband’s affair.  And she knows it too.  David himself has said of her reaction to this scandal, “Furious would be an understatement.”

Good.

11/10/12

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A: “Would you like to come over to my place tomorrow or Sunday?  I’d be ecstatic just to see your face and catch up.  Do I sound too desperate?  Don’t judge.”

S: “I stay at work late simply to be around other humans.  It’s ok.”