Ladies and Gentleman, we bring you Rob Wanamaker, the graphic designer for our friends over at the The Philadelphia Beard and Mustache Club.
“When you use a beard, is it easier to convince the ladies that you’re part of the wealthy Philadelphia Wanamaker family?” (he’s not)
“Yes it is. I don’t want to lie though; I’m a fucking classy guy.”
“I haven’t shaved completely since I was 18. I’m 25 now. I recently trimmed it though.”
Funny how time flies, huh? Well, Movember is here again. The “month formerly known is November,” is now dedicated to mustaches. And men’s health. We love mustaches, and we love healthy men, so G&G is in full support.
We don’t know how it’s possible, but just in case you’re unacquainted with Movember, here’s what it’s all about. Starting November 1st, men across the country (Mo-Bros) grow a mustache for the entire month, at the same time raising funds (and awareness) for men’s health issues such as prostate cancer. They form mustache teams, make t-shirts, throw parties. In the seven years it’s been in existence, Movember has raised over $174 million! Whoa baby! You can learn more at the official site.
While we G&G Girls can’t actually grow our own (give us a few more years) we are cheering on our Mo-Bros across the globe! Grow on baby, grow on!
“That dude that used to come into Naked with his kid that you kinda used to date works across the street from me. I’ve been watching him for over a year now when he goes on smoking breaks/hits on moms that bring their child in crisis into his work.”
-Tate O.
Geez peez. I do not have any boobs. I know this, I am comfortable with this. It’s not a problem. Usually. Having no boobs is great sometimes. Especially during the summer, when I can wear crazy breezy dresses without a pesky bra underneath. Because as every girl knows, bras are pesky. I hate them. Which is why I try to wear one as rarely as possible. But every girl also knows that bras are definitely necessary sometimes.
Bra shopping is the absolute WORST. Worse than jean shopping, worse than swimsuit shopping. Worse than any other kind of shopping. And it is only getting worse. The past few years, it seems that bra manufacturers have stopped making normal bras, and everyone is now exclusively making push-up bras. And worse than normal bras, I HATE push-up bras more than anything. They are false advertising, and they just feel weird. It’s like wearing one of those fake pregnancy bellies, only for your boobs. I don’t need or want my breasts to look bigger than they are.
But apparently, the bra companies of the world collectively decided that they want me to have bigger boobs. Because every time I go bra shopping, no matter if it’s Target, or Macy’s or H&M…everything is crazytown padded. WHY!? This really bothers me guys. And don’t even get me started on the Junior’s Dept. They’re all push-ups too, only in fun colors with rainbows and frogs on them. Who in their right mind is going to buy their 13 year old a push-up bra? Well, it seems that’s the only option these days.
Some of them are subtle, others literally have an entire boob already built in, so your actual breasts just sort of hang out the top, giving the illusion that you’re packin’. But you’re not. And I’m not. All I want is something to keep the girls up and out of sight. Another big thing right now are those pretty lacy “bralets.” They are cutie patootie, but being constructed solely of lace, do nothing to hide the nips, which is the main reason to wear a bra, right? I know a few women who have given up on real bras altogether, and wear sports bras exclusively. While I can’t bring myself to go to such extremes, I can absolutely sympathize, and understand the frustration that led them to such drastic measures.
Since I refuse on principle to buy a push-up bra, I only own like 2 bras. When I finally find a good old fashioned padding-free bra, I will wear the shit out of it. It will literally have to be falling apart for me to embark upon that crazytown quest of bra shopping again.
T: “I’m thinking I need to brush up on my business acumen.”
C: “‘Acumen!?’ Who have you been hanging out with? Where’d you get a word like that?”
T: “I’ve been trying to enlighten you for 15 years now, you just never listen.”
Listen buddy, I know that my ass looks slammin in these leggings. I’d check myself out, so I’m not blaming you. Except, quit trying to be all sneaky about it. We’re at the gym for pete’s sake. The walls are made of mirrors. And while some people (aka YOU) use those mirrors to admire their own muscles, they also come in handy for seeing who’s checking out who at any given second.
So, next time you try to sneak a sly peek as I walk past you, remember those mirrors, huh? Maybe you don’t care that I know, but judging by how slick you always try to act, I’m thinking you’d be pretttty embarrassed if you knew that I CAN SEE YOU.
“You’ve got huge veins for such a small girl. They’re beautiful.”
-Deana F.
…when the man walking towards you grins, nods, and says, “Yeeeaaaahhhhh…” as he passes you.
“A nun in school told me sex was like potato chips-once you pop you can’t stop. I was like, Oh…ok Sister…”
-Erica A.
Listen Dude. Just because we’re sitting next to each other at the bar doesn’t mean we’re friends. And just because you grunted, “Hey, I’m Chad,” doesn’t mean we know each other. So don’t touch me, ok?
Don’t tap me on the arm to see if I just witnessed that awesome play. Don’t put your arm around my shoulder while telling me some dumb story. If I happen to have an eyelash on my cheek, do not take the liberty of removing it yourself.
I am actually here with friends of my own…where are yours? I am really hoping they get here soon, or that a girl hotter than me sits down on the other side of you, because I never signed up to be your designated bar friend. Do me a favor buddy, and take your hand off my leg and talk to the bartender. That’s what he’s here for.