Geez peez. I do not have any boobs. I know this, I am comfortable with this. It’s not a problem. Usually. Having no boobs is great sometimes. Especially during the summer, when I can wear crazy breezy dresses without a pesky bra underneath. Because as every girl knows, bras are pesky. I hate them. Which is why I try to wear one as rarely as possible. But every girl also knows that bras are definitely necessary sometimes.
Bra shopping is the absolute WORST. Worse than jean shopping, worse than swimsuit shopping. Worse than any other kind of shopping. And it is only getting worse. The past few years, it seems that bra manufacturers have stopped making normal bras, and everyone is now exclusively making push-up bras. And worse than normal bras, I HATE push-up bras more than anything. They are false advertising, and they just feel weird. It’s like wearing one of those fake pregnancy bellies, only for your boobs. I don’t need or want my breasts to look bigger than they are.
But apparently, the bra companies of the world collectively decided that they want me to have bigger boobs. Because every time I go bra shopping, no matter if it’s Target, or Macy’s or H&M…everything is crazytown padded. WHY!? This really bothers me guys. And don’t even get me started on the Junior’s Dept. They’re all push-ups too, only in fun colors with rainbows and frogs on them. Who in their right mind is going to buy their 13 year old a push-up bra? Well, it seems that’s the only option these days.
Some of them are subtle, others literally have an entire boob already built in, so your actual breasts just sort of hang out the top, giving the illusion that you’re packin’. But you’re not. And I’m not. All I want is something to keep the girls up and out of sight. Another big thing right now are those pretty lacy “bralets.” They are cutie patootie, but being constructed solely of lace, do nothing to hide the nips, which is the main reason to wear a bra, right? I know a few women who have given up on real bras altogether, and wear sports bras exclusively. While I can’t bring myself to go to such extremes, I can absolutely sympathize, and understand the frustration that led them to such drastic measures.
Since I refuse on principle to buy a push-up bra, I only own like 2 bras. When I finally find a good old fashioned padding-free bra, I will wear the shit out of it. It will literally have to be falling apart for me to embark upon that crazytown quest of bra shopping again.