Sometimes, a G&G Girl can go home again.

A G&G Girl sometimes gets the VIP hook up.

She trades coffee for free drink cards at one of the cities fanciest dining establishments, and last night two of the girls decided to cash them in.  While sipping their free cocktails at the bar, the Girls were spotted by an acquaintance.  Who just so happens to work at said fancy establishment.  

“Girls! What are you doing here? Are you hungry? Let me go back to the kitchen and see what I can do.”

And before they knew it, the Girls were ushered to another part of the bar, where the bartender laid out cloth napkins and heavy silverware and filled their glasses with bottled Fiji water…and then the food came.

Succulent lobster and crab cakes with hints of dry mustard and red pepper, perfectly paired with fresh, sweet corn relish, as well as fresh mozzarella wrapped in prosciutto and lightly sauteed, served with crostini, roasted tomatoes, fresh basil and a lovely balsamic glaze.

But by far the best part of all…it was free.

The Girls’ next stop was a bar where they regularly get the hook up.  Where they are never carded, are permitted to mock the bartender with no repercussions, and where they pay a mere $10 for four “big girl” sized vodka and pineapples.

Facebook may be a social networking site, but the city of Philadelphia is an even better one…especially if you’re a cute girl.  And G&G is all about taking advantage of their connections.

A G&G Girl never knows who will sit down next to her at the bar.

Sometimes it’s two NYC firemen in Philly for the game.  And we’re not talking this kind of NYC firemen- 

Nope. More like this kind-

 Landon and Rob may have been too drunk to realize they were making complete asses of themselves with their lame pick-up attempts, but at least they had the presence of mind to buy the Girls a few rounds.  Well, sort of, since Landon ended up forgetting his credit card at the bar. 

Sometimes you get guys like Paul, who are a lot more creepy but also a lot more entertaining.  He (tried) to wow G&G by talking about his crazy ex-wife and describing in explicit detail his sex life with his 26 year old girlfriend in Chicago, and the one in Philly, and the one on Staten Island.  He bought some drinks, but definitely ended up on the bartenders shitlist by yelling, “Hey Pablo!” to get his attention.  Not cool guy, not cool.  But thanks for the vodka cranberry.

“My favorite holiday is Erin Go Bra-less.”

-Paul M.

And then there are guys like Jonny.  He admires from afar for awhile, sending shy smiles and quick glances G&G’s way before coming over to sit next to her.  His style was smooth and not at all skeezy.  He told G&G he was a biker, but a little internet stalking the next morning revealed that he was in fact, pro cyclist Jonny Sundt…

He did everything perfectly.  Made intelligent and interesting conversation, asked questions about G&G’s life, was impressed by her bike scar stories, bought her and her friend a drink…yes indeed, everything was perfect…until he downed his last beer 10 minutes after 2AM, twisted the can and tossed it over the bar, resulting in his being cussed out by the bartender and kicked out of the bar.

Great. 

So, to re-cap, last night G&G succeeded in three things: getting a little tipsy for free, meeting a few crazytowns, and repeatedly pissing off the bartender.

Sorry Zacky-Poo, you know we love you.

A G&G Girl sometimes rolls with ballers.

Most of the time the Girls go out with boys who are students, baristas, “artists” or “musicians” etc. who can barely afford to pay their rent, let alone for a night out.  A $4 beer is a bit of a splurge and eating out is reserved for special occasions like anniversaries and birthdays.  And you know, the Girls don’t really mind.  They can’t afford to pay their rent either, they don’t have a problem dating poor guys.

But daaayyuuuuum is it nice to go out with a richie sometimes.  He’ll not only take G&G out to fancy places, but he’ll invite some of his friends, and some of her friends, and pay for them all.  He’ll pay for cabs so she doesn’t have to walk in the light rain and doesn’t blink an eye at shelling out $300 for drinks.  As soon as they arrive at a bar he will order rounds of shots and fancy artisan beers.  He’ll try to get everyone to order food because he doesn’t want anyone to be hungry.  He invites G&G to raid the mini bar because unlike normal people, he doesn’t mind paying $7.50 for a bottle of water.

He belongs to exclusive clubs and owns his own home.  He started his own company and hired all of his friends to work with him.  Not only did he graduate from an Ivy League school with high honors, and his car was originally owned by the drummer of a very famous rock band, but he’s actually a nice guy too.  G&G may very well have hit the jackpot.

Too good to be true?  Time will tell, but we hope not! 

A G&G Girl can always count on her boys.

She knows that whenever she stops by the bar, they will all be there.  The bartender will be blatantly ignoring patrons while he plays with the jukebox, talks with his friends and watches the Phillies.  It’s the bouncer and chef’s night off, but they’ll be there too, and when G&G gets there she will join in their revelry.  Sometimes an uninvited outsider will try to get in on the fun by sitting next to G&G and trying to chat/feel her up.  This is when the off duty bouncer, a 12 foot tall Samoan, will take matters into his own hands by coming over, wrapping his arms around G&G and drawling, “Hey there Chickadee, how’ve you been?”  The interloper will understand that this is code for, “Back off dude, she’s with me and I will fuck you up,” and retreat in search of less-guarded prey.

Last night the boys were on their game when G&G got a massive, out of the blue text from a ball-less loser.  They scoffed at his lameness and lack of balls, and joined together to cheer G&G up.  The bartender slid her another free beer and the guys joined in with a chorus of, “What a fucking lame ass!” “We’re not all like that babe, don’t let him ruin the rest of us.”  ”What a little bitch!”  ”Here, I’ll text you something better than that.”  

It didn’t take long (maybe 30 seconds) to have G&G laughing again.  The love from her boys and an amazing last minute win from the Phils made her night.  She knows whatever happens, her boys are gonna make her smile.

A G&G Girl knows a lot of people.

A lot of people that work at restaurants and bars.  Managers, bouncers, bartenders, chefs, servers…they’ve got all their bases covered.  This comes in handy because the Girls are perpetually destitute and can’t afford to actually pay for stuff when they go out.  

Last night the girls were really on their game, only putting out cash to leave their connections considerable tips.  Four stops, countless drinks, chips, a ton of guac and a really magnificent spinach and bacon pizza.  It was a perfect, and super cheap, date night for the Girls.  

It really pays to have such a web of connections throughout the city.  When you can’t afford rent, you can’t afford to go out…unless it’s free.  So until the Girls find sugardaddies to pay for things, they’re just going to have to keep taking advantage of their friends.

A G&G Girl sometimes gets hit on by (much) older men.

Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re creepy.  It’s funny when they’re joking.  It’s creepy when they’re not…and last night they pretty creepy.  It started out innocently enough with Vinny, a classy guy in a three piece suit asking one of the Girls about her glasses.  He really liked ‘em.  ”Is that the new style? Should I get a pair like that?”  Kinda weird, but ok.  

While Vinny was discussing spectacle styles, his friend J.R. was offering another G&G unsolicited advice.  ”I used to be a professional singer.  You know how I used to practice? I just laid on the floor with two phone books on my stomach and sang that way.  When I got good

 I added a third.  I used to travel the world singing. You ever wanna improve your singing, that’s what you do. Have you ever been told that you have eyes like a husky?” 

He then took it to another level, “What’s your nationality?”  ”Irish.”  ”Good, good. I’m Italian, but I can’t get along with Italian girls.  Irish’s ok though. You cook?” “Yeah.”  ”You clean?” “Sometimes.”  ”You easy to get along with?”  ”Yeah.”  ”I’ve been single since ’89. Here, take my number.”  And with that, this G&G Girl was the proud(?) owner of a 70 year old’s number scrawled on a bar napkin.  

She thought that was the end of it, and tried to retreat back to her friends, but no such luck.  As soon as she started to walk away, she felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around to see another man smiling and holding out a flower he’d made from a napkin.  Are all the senior citizens at this bar in on this?  Quite possibly.

An hour later, during a stunning karaoke rendition of  The Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams,” flower napkin guy re-emerged, offering his hand to G&G for a dance.  She reluctantly accepted, thinking she’d half-heartedly dance for a minute and get back to her beer.  Not so fast.  He broke into a full fledged jitterbug and flipped her. Twice.  Like so…

Yup. Twice.  And no, she did not throw up, though she later found out her feet missed some guy’s head by an inch.  Sorry dude.

A G&G Girl likes to make her mother proud.

One of the ways she does this is by becoming a VIP at many local drinking establishments.  There are several Philadelphia bars where she does not have to pay for much, if anything at all, and where she enjoys perks like being allowed to sit at the “cool corner” of the bar.  This is the corner where all the grizzled regulars sit and where the bartender hangs out when they are not tending to anyone.  G&G achieves this special status through a perfect blend of beauty, wit, and cupcakes.  

The other night she was out at one of her spots, and went to leave only to discover it was pouring out.  Not having an umbrella, or money for a cab, she was kind of stranded.  But a bar is not a horrible place to be stranded, especially when it is a bar where the bartender will give her free beer until it stops raining.

A few nights before that she was in another not-so-great situation at another bar.  She was serving as a sort of chaperone for one of her friends and her new cutie.  Luckily, the bartender and chef turned this potentially super awkward situation into a super great situation by sitting with her and putting Carrie on the bar TV.  The three of them sat and got schwasted while watching the classic on close caption, leaving the new love birds to stare into each other’s eyes in peace.

But last night definitely beat the rest of the week as far as VIP status goes.  Last night she went to one of her favorite bars to visit her favorite bartender and give him his favorite cupcakes.  Upon entering without being ID’d, she was greeted with a hug and a “You look thirsty!”  She was then introduced to the bartender’s brother and treated to a free beer that wasn’t a Lager or PBR.  She took her place between two fifty something year old men who also frequent the bar and did shots of whisky with them and the bartender.  When her glass got to the 1/3 mark, the bartender “topped it off.”  Three times.  Besides the free alcohol, being a VIP also comes with built in bodyguards.  Whenever a creeper tries to hit on her, or make an inappropriate comment, one of the old guys she’s sitting with will put an end to it with a stern, “Now you leave her alone!”  That may get in the way if she ever actually likes a guy she meets there, but until then, she really appreciates it. 

All those perks are great, but being allowed control over the bar’s remote was what really took the cake last night.  Midnight Meat Train, anyone? Ok.  

A G&G Girl really loves her champagne. 

So much so in fact, that she sometimes has entire parties devoted to it.  Just her and 20 of her closest friends and at least as many bottles of booze.  On a roof.  With some cheese and grapes and a mannequin named George.  

Brut, Extra Dry, Spumante…she does not discriminate.  And she likes to experiment.  Frozen blueberries, plum juice, Triple Sec, cranberry cocktail, blush wine, peach juice, sour Skittles…they all taste fab in bubbly.  And trust us, G&G sampled them all. At least once.  

It wasn’t just the abundance of booze that made it a great night.  I mean, of course it helped, but so did the cool breeze, the city skyline in the background, and being surrounded by friends in the last days of summer.  Really, all you need is some good friends to have a good time.  And when you add alcohol a good time becomes a great time.  People start telling embarrassing stories and feeling up George the Mannequin and schmakin out.  

After a good 5 hours of sipping on the schampy, people started to crash and pass out.  Most managed to find their way home, but some weren’t in any shape to be out on the streets at 3AM.  Those lucky few collapsed on every bed in the house, both couches and the roof.  

Needless to say, the next morning was a tough one.  Everyone congregated in the living room, and no one moved for hours.

And then they took a nap.

Sometimes a G&G Girl needs to get shwasted with her girls.

No boys allowed. And you know why? Because boys suck.  Well, ok, maybe not all of them, but probably a good 90% of the ones G&G comes across do.  So sometimes (pretty often) she has to go out with her girls, and only her girls, so that they can throw back a few while they talk about just how much boys really do suck.  Any boys that approach them during this time will be met with such disdain that they will turn and scurry away before they can even utter whatever lame pickup line they had planned.  The bartender is an exception to this rule, but only because he keeps the girls in alcohol in exchange for cupcakes.

A few hours downing beers tinged with hatred really works up an appetite, and where else can a girl eat a balanced meal at 2:30 AM but at her man Little Pete’s place?  

Unfortunately, Little Pete’s at 2:30AM is full of boys that only reinforce G&G’s “boys suck” theory, like Nick and James here.  G&G was still in their “I hate you” mood, ready to shoot verbal daggers into the hearts of any man who dare cross them, but these two were too drunk to sit up straight, let alone recognize the signs of danger.  Yet, they still had the presence of mind to invite the Girls back to their house to drink more because they “still have a case of Bud left.”  After a firm, “Absolutely not.” from G&G, James put down the ketchup bottle he was drinking from and opened his eyes long enough to slur, “I really don’t like either of you at all.”  ”Well, that’s fine sweetie because you won’t remember this in the morning,” the girls replied. 

It’s too bad G&G still remembers Nick & James.  With boys like them out there, it’s hard to have any hope for the future of mankind, but their existence also ensures that there will be plenty of Girls Only, “We Hate Boys” nights to come.