M: “Can you call my phone? I can’t find it…Oh here it is, it was on vibrate.”

F: “I bet it was.  You’re the only chick I know whose phone runs on D batteries.”

“I don’t think I could work for PPA, I’m too cool.  They’d be like, ‘Your ticket quota’s down.’   ‘Oh, I don’t know man, I mean everyone’s just parking perfect today.’”

-Mike G.

Customer: “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you’re a Temple Journalism grad and you work at a coffee shop?”

G&G: “Yeah…”

Customer: “I’m a Temple Journalism grad and I ended up homeless last year.”

S: “God, I just want some really awesome naked pictures.  Like, I want to pose in some edgy high end fashion magazine with a tiger or a peacock.”

C: “I bet there’s an app for that.”

“Their eyes are still closed.  That’s when they’re real easy to drown.”

-Matt H. on kittens

“I should get a neck tattoo, then I’d be less approachable.”

- Rob W. on people bugging him

“People can’t come into my aura field unless I want them to.  I can will them not to.”

-crazy lady at cafe

“Aw man, is that cheese on my pants?  Did I go to Geno’s last night?”

-a hungover (still dunk?) Steve H.

“I need to stretch him and un-marry him, then he’d be perfect.”

-anonymous (but whoa baby we agree with her)

“The application wants to know what my family’s accomplishments are.  What!? If my family was successful I wouldn’t be selling my eggs.”

-Shayla G.