Alright, for those of you who don’t know, (shame!) Rob Petrie is Dick Van Dyke’s character on The Dick Van Dyke Show.  Also if you did not know, I am obsessed with The Dick Van Dyke Show.  I’ve been watching the entire series all the way through on Hulu for the past few months, and am getting pretty bummed out that I am nearing the end of the fifth, and final, season.

And you know what I’ve discovered during this time?  That I would marry Rob Petrie in a heartbeat.  Sure he’s goofy, but in this case, that adds to his charm.  He’s so cutie patootie that when he did something terrible I would probably react the same way his TV wife Laura (Mary Tyler Moore) does, with a shake of her head and an, “Ohhh Roooooob.”  I mean, how can you stay mad at a face like that?  

Ultimately, he and Laura just have an awesome marriage.  Sure, they sleep in separate beds on the show, but whoa baby you know they’re crazy about each other.  We know this because sometimes they make out on the couch after their son goes to bed, and are usually interrupted by someone ringing the doorbell.

Sure, they have spats sometimes, who doesn’t?  But they really love each other, and are BFFs.  And yes, I know that this is a sitcom I’m gushing over and not real life, but really, I just want what Rob and Laura have.  A spectacular marriage, a happy life, and a killer collection of fitted capri pants.

Oh God, do you know how hard it was to pick a photo for this post?  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Ryan Gosling as much as the next girl, but I could look at pictures of Cary Grant alllllll day long.  They just don’t make them like they used to.

Anyway, we would def marry him.  I mean, Virginia Cherrill, Barbara Hutton, Betsy Drake, Dyan Cannon and Barbara Harris all did.

Poor poor Cary, (actually born Archibald Alexander Leach) what a sad childhood he had.  His mother suffered from clinical depression, and was finally placed in a mental institution by Grant’s father, who told the nine year old that his mother was going on a “long holiday.”  When Cary was 10, his father abandoned him for his new wife and baby.  The poor kid assumed his mother was dead, and believed that until he was 31 and discovered she was alive and living in a care facility.  WHAT!? Crazytown!  Don’t you just want to make him some cookies and snuggle him forever?

But really folks, the main focus is on just how drop dead smoking hot he was, right?  I mean, COME ON.  6’2″, greying temples, that peculiar accent and bewitching smirk.  So so dapper and stylish.  He rocked a suit like no one else.  Tooooo much to handle.  Six of his films are on AMI’s list of top 100 romantic films. He gave his entire salary for both “Arsenic and Old Lace” and “The Philadelphia Story” to the war effort.  His handsome chin dimple face landed a fucking postal stamp.  He once told an interviewer, ”Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant.”

Maybe because he essentially “created” ‘Cary Grant,’ Cary Grant could play any role with seemingly effortless ease.  An aristocrat, a playboy, a professor, a journalist…I’m sure he would have been just fabulous as “my husband.”

We stuck a few more photos after the jump, because we couldn’t pick just one…

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Alright, you all know that G&G does not shy away from embarrassing confessions.  So here’s one:  We frequent the DiBruno’s on 9th Street and it’s not for the cheese.  It’s for the cutie patooties they’ve got in there selling the stuff.

We used to religiously attend their free Wednesday night beer and cheese happy hours…and we don’t even like cheese.  We’d happily accept the beer, then choke down the gourmet cheese it was paired with.  Lactose intolerance be damned!

The G&G Girls are probably DiBruno’s only frequent shoppers that have never, ever, bought any cheese.  We just sort of pop in, and one of the dreamboats offers us help, and we say something like, “Oh…I just need some uh, some butter.”  I mean, they do carry our favorite.  Sometimes we will also buy honey, and they let us sample them all.  Lucky for us, we go through a lot of butter and honey, so we get to stop by pretty frequently.  We make our selection, hand it over to be rung up, and get to look into those dreamy cheese monger eyes for a second.

And let me just tell you, they are dreamy.  One of G&G’s friends just attended an after-hours private wine and cheese

tasting there as part of a bachelorette night.  And what were the ladies all talking about for hours afterwards?  How earthy the camembert was?  Uh, no.  They were gushing about the cheese guys.

Now, when we’re brutally honest with ourselves (which is not often), we know the combo of G&G Girl and Cheese Boy is not a realistic one.  First of all, like most dreamboats, many of the CB’s are already taken. (Like Zeke over there>>>)  But also, we do not eat cheese (except on pizza or something) because we think it is kind of gross, and also it makes us fart, which is even more gross.  But these guys are crazytown about it!!! They are real life, legit certified cheese mongers.  They go to international cheese monger contests where they slice perfect slices and identify country and regions by taste.  All of that makes them super cool, but we’d feel bad that we couldn’t fully appreciate their life’s passion, so looks like this love affair’s gonna have to be one-sided.  Good thing G&G’s used to that.